this is what I heard while dancing out the door to paint shouted from a naked 10 year old that just got out of the shower.
Today i realized that those words, even from the mouth of a babe, are paralyzing and my anxiety literally started going a mile a Minute.
In that instant my mind went to "what did I say to him that offended him that he wants to talk about?" (One time he pulled me aside bc I called him “little”, and he didn’t like that) so I could only guess what was going to surface.
4 minutes later, all filled with anxious thoughts in my brain, he makes his way out to the porch & sits down.
Then proceeds to say, “it really frustrates me when mom doesn't care about the switch the way I do...” so now that I know he’s not mad at me & I selfishly find peace. But I find peace, along with so much joy, because he came to me. He came to me, sat down, and asked me for advice. And vented about something that really bothered him.
And as I was listening to him talk about Pokémon I thought, man, I’m his person right now. I’m his safe place. I’m not too scary to come to and talk with. He KNOWS he is safe and his thoughts & opinions would be heard.
And if I wasn’t on an antidepressant that made me suppress the majority of my tears, there would be OH so Many of them.
These past 5 months have been more than difficult. A lay off, a move, personal battles, etc, but these kids and these moments. Man, I’ll miss them. & the fact that I can be a safe place, does so much healing to my own personal story.
Yesterday I sternly said the words "no, do NOT eat your butt".
& today I consoled a crying 6 year old while on the toilet. She sat on my lap and everything, in total distress. And kissed me after we talked.
God is so good. And these kids are so, so special. & they all think they're coming on the race with me, I just haven't had the heart to tell them otherwise.
